Dear All Of Da Babies,
First and foremost, welcome to being alive. It's not great, but it's better than the other thing. And there are some good parts. Like puppies and spaghetti.
I just thought, since you're new here, that you might appreciate some advice from someone older and wiser. But since I can't find anyone like that, we'll have to settle for someone who's just older. Here's my advice:
1. TAKE YOUR TIME
You got a lot of stuff being thrown at you, I know. You're meeting tons of people, you're surrounded by things you don't understand, a million things are happening all at once and you just learned how to open your eyes yesterday. It can be overwhelming. But--and I mean this sincerely--there is no hurry. Take as long as you need to figure stuff out. Heck, I'm a bajillion times older than you and I don't have everything figured out yet.
2. BE YOURSELF
People are always going to want you to be someone else. But that's hard. Being yourself is easier. So do that instead.
3. DON'T BE A JERK
You're never too young to learn this lesson. As you may have already noticed, there are quite a few other people in the world besides you. You should try to be nice to them as often as you can. And if you can't be nice to them, at least don't be mean to them.
4. ELEPHANTS ARE GOOD GUYS
You will never hear anyone complaining about an elephant. No one ever talks about an elephant and says "Oh, that guy? He's a jerk!" No, it's always, "That guy? He's the best!"
5. I CAN'T REMEMBER #5
6. STORIES ARE IMPORTANT
Some people think stories are just a way to kill time or keep people busy. And, yeah, they are, but also they're lessons. You have a lot to learn and stories are a great place to start, because they can teach you a lesson without you knowing you're being taught a lesson.
And, most importantly of all,
7. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BECOME A GROWNUP
That's all for now. But, if you have any questions along the way, I'll be happy to try and answer them for you. I mean, I don't actually know the answers to most questions, but I can make up an answer that sounds plausible. If nothing else, I can make you smile for a little while.
Oh! That was #5!
5. SMILE AND LAUGH
There's a lot of bad stuff in the world that will make you want to frown and cry. So remember to smile and laugh every chance you get.