Once there was a boy named Tristan who was at that age (12) when boys start looking for a vocation
in life. What some might call a “job.” So, he went to see his village’s careers
counselor and took the aptitude tests and personality tests and they determined
what the ideal job for him would be. They narrowed it down to three options:
1. GREEN GROCER
2. HERO
3. STANDUP COMEDIAN
Well, green grocer seemed kind of boring and
standup comedy hadn’t been invented yet, so Tristan thought he should look into
the middle one. Being a hero didn’t necessarily pay very much, there was a lot
of travel involved and a certain amount of risk. But the hours were flexible
and there was a great deal of prestige attached to the position. Plus there
were perks like getting to ride a horse, marrying a princess and having someone
write a fairy tale about you someday. So Tristan decided to go for it.
Of course, there are some things every hero
needs…well, two, really. One was a horse (which he had; a nice sort of horse
called Irene) and the other was a sword. But swords were expensive and Tristan
was poor. He had nothing to trade for a sword and the Village Smithy did not
work on credit.
“How can I be a hero without a sword?” he
asked Irene who, of course, did not know as she was a horse.
“You must go East!” said a creepy voice.
Tristan turned around and saw a Creepy Dude creeping out of the bushes. “Go
East to the land of Dunsmore! There on a tree on a hill on an island in a lake
in a bigger island in a bigger lake grows the Sword Tree! Go there and pick a
sword and you can be a true hero!” So saying, the Creepy Guy attempted to creep
back into the bushes but, instead, fell over and crawled the rest of the way
until he was out of sight.
“Wow. That guy was creepy,” said Tristan.
“But I don’t have any other ideas so, let’s go to Dunsmore!”
Tristan and Irene arrived at Dunsmore the following day. Dunsmore was a
nice sort of kingdom ruled over by a nice sort of king. The people there were
very friendly, until Tristan asked how to get to the Sword Tree. Then they got
very nervous and advised him not to speak of such things any more. But Tristan
was going to be a hero when he grew up, and he needed a sword. So he kept
asking around about the Sword Tree until the Royal Guards picked him up and
took him to the King.
“Why are you asking about the Sword Tree?”
asked the King.
“Cuz I need a sword,” said Tristan, which
made sense.
“No one is permitted to go to the tree on the
hill in the lake on the island in the…no, that’s wrong. What is it again?”
The Prime Minister answered. “Tree on a hill
on an island in a lake in a bigger island in a bigger lake, sire.” That was his
main job, reminding the King of things like that.
“But how am I to get a sword? I have but
three gold coins and one which I thought was gold but which was actually just
chocolate.”
“Why do you need a sword so badly?”
“Because I’m going to be a hero when I grow
up!”
“A hero, eh? Tell you what, I’ll make a deal
with you: I have a quest that needs questing. Complete the quest and I’ll help
you get a sword from the Sword Tree.”
This struck Tristan as very fair so he
agreed.
The quest the King had in mind was rescuing his daughter, Princess Sue,
from a tower which was guarded by a giant. Several days ago, he had captured
her and locked her in the tower, vowing only to release her if she agreed to
marry him. She said no, so she was still being kept there. All Tristan had to
do was distract the Giant long enough to let Princess Sue escape…but how do you
distract a Giant? Especially when you don’t even have a sword?
“I may not have a sword,” said Tristan,
hiding in the trees where the Giant couldn’t see, “but I have a horse! Okay,
Irene, here’s the plan,” and he whispered his plan into Irene’s ear. She nodded
to show she understood and they sprang into action: Irene trotted out where the
Giant could see her and began to dance. It was a pretty good dance, too.
Especially for a horse. And, after all, a dancing horse is not something you
see every day, and the Giant was captivated. In fact, he was watching Irene so
closely, the he didn’t even notice Princess Sue letting herself out through the
front door and joining Tristan among the trees.
“Okay, that’s enough!” shouted Tristan and
Irene ran back to the trees, let Tristan and Princess Sue climb on her back,
and sped back to the castle for all they were worth.
“Aw, is that all?” said the Giant,
disappointed. “Well, it was a pretty good show while it lasted. So, Princess
Sue, are you ready to say you’ll marry—hey, where’d she go?”
“Well done, Tristan!” said the King. “You have returned my daughter,
Princess Sue, who has been missing, lo, these many days. Now, I will fulfill my
half of the bargain and do what I can to help you get to the Sword Tree.”
The King called his many advisors together
and each of them gave Tristan a useful item which he would need on his quest:
The Prime Minister gave him two copper coins.
The Chancellor gave him two silver coins
(“Don’t get them mixed up,” he said).
The Captain of the Guards gave him a dagger
with a gold handle.
The Head Magic Guy gave him a single pearl.
And Princess Sue gave him a little bag to
carry it all in (and a kiss on the cheek! Tee hee!).
Tristan thanked them for their gifts and made
his way toward the lake.
At the shore of the lake, was a ferryman. “Pay me your opinion to get
across,” he said. Tristan knew that a person’s opinion was sometimes called his
“two cents” so he gave the two copper coins to the ferryman. “Your horse has to
stay behind,” said the ferryman. “She’d sink the boat.”
“Sorry, Irene,” said Tristan, but she didn’t
mind being left behind. In fact she took a nap and slept through the rest of
the story.
The ferryman took Tristan across to the
island in the center of the lake. He started walking across to the lake in the
center of this island, but the lake was entirely surrounded by thorns and
briars. Taking out the gold-handled dagger, he cut a path through the thorns
and found himself at the banks of another lake with another (slightly shorter)
ferryman asking for two silver coins.
“Good thing I didn’t get the coins mixed up,”
he said to himself. He paid the ferryman and made his way to the second island.
He climbed to the top of the hill and saw, to his dismay, that the Sword Tree was
guarded by a manticore! He had to…
Oh, right, sorry. A manticore is a kind of animal with a lion’s
head, eagle’s wings and a long scorpion-like tail. They’re not too nice.
“All I have left is the pearl. Oh well, here
goes noting.” He held up the pearl defiantly and said, “BE GONE FOUL BEAST!!!”
But nothing happened. He tried waving it around, tossing it up in the air,
holding it up while saying magic words he’d read in storybooks but nothing
worked. Finally he was forced to conclude that this was not a magical pearl
imbued with great power and strength…it was just a normal pearl. “But how am I
going to get past the manticore with a plain, ordinary…”
“Hey, is that a pearl?” asked the Manticore.
“it’s pretty!”
“Er, yeah it is. Hey! You can have it if you let
me take a sword from the tree.”
“Sweet deal!” So Tristan gave the pearl to
the Manticore who stepped aside long enough for Tristan to choose a really cool
sword from the tree. “It’s customary,” said the Manticore, “for heroes to name
their swords.”
“Is it? Okay, then I’ll call it…The
Mantisword!”
“Nice!”
“Hey, I don’t have any coins left to get back
across the lakes. Could you give me a lift?”
“Sure, hop on my back!”
So the Manticore flew Tristan over the
lake/island/lake and set him down right next to Irene, who was just waking up
from her nap. Then he held up the sword and said, “Now, I am a true hero!!!!”
And he was!
So Tristan became a hero and, with the help of his trusty horse, Irene,
and his vorpal blade, the Mantisword, became famous throughout the land for his
deeds of heroism and bravery. Then one day he met a really cool princess and
they got married and lived happily ever after and stuff! Yay!
Sorry, I got a little
too excited there.
THE END
This story appears in the books Once Upon a Time and Long Ago and And They All Lived Happily Ever After, by Templeton Moss. Both are available through Amazon, barnesandnoble.com, and other fine online retailers.
